The 6 Most Common Reasons Relationships End, According To Therapists

Marriages and long-term relationships don’t end overnight. They end after years of negligence and indifference on the part of the couple. 

Below, marriage therapists share six of the most common issues they’ve seen long-time couples ignore until it’s too late. 

1. The couple stops being curious about one another. 

Nothing is better for a marriage than continuing to believe that your spouse is an intriguing, mysterious person who ― by some chance of luck ― fell in love with you. When you spend too much time together, you start to lose appreciation for who they are outside your marriage, said Melissa Fritchle, a couples therapist in Santa Cruz, California.

“As I’ve seen with clients, familiarity can breed boredom. More damaging, it can fool people into not making an effort to get to know their partner now,” she said. “That person sitting across from you at the breakfast table for the last six years can still surprise you.”

To keep the mystery alive, “keep asking questions, keep sharing new perspectives and stay intrigued with one another,” Fritchle said. 

2. There’s too much communication. 

Communication is the key to a healthy relationship ― but some people overdo it. The constant “you OK?” texts and Facebook messages can weigh your spouse down, said Kristin Davin, a psychologist in New York City.

“We live in a society of constant chatter but it really hurts the relationship when one person tends to talk the relationship to death,” Davin said. “If one person always wants to know what the other is doing, thinking and how they feel about the relationship, the other person feels tremendous pressure. It’s a killjoy.”

3. Sex becomes a source of stress. 

Sex should be a connection point for couples ― but when issues arise and go unaddressed, what goes on in the bedroom becomes just another frustrating life stressor, Fritchle said. 

“If sex leads to misunderstandings and or arguments you find yourself dreading, don’t just ignore it,” she said. “Conversations about sex can be challenging so don’t be afraid to seek out support in a sex therapist. You need to communicate openly so that you can navigate your way to a mutually happy sex life.” 

4. Arguments over money become more and more common. 

Money matters in a relationship. In fact, a 2013 study found that couples who argued about money early on in their relationships — regardless of their income, debt or net worth — were at a greater risk for divorce than other couples. A difference in philosophy about spending can cause resentment and major arguments, said Lynn Zakeri, a couples therapist in Skokie, Illinois,

“The ability to compromise is crucial, but sometimes it is more than that,” she said. “You have to think about things from your partner’s point of view to gain a genuine understanding.” 

5. One partner starts to feel suffocated.

When you wife wants to go on a weekend trip with the girls, let her. Quality time apart is more important than you realize, Davin said. 

“I see this happen a lot when one person wants to spend all their time with the other person, to an excessive point,” she said. “In these cases, there’s very little time, if any, spent alone or with friends.” 

In the end, one partner’s neediness creates an unhealthy dependence on the other person, Davin added. 

“If the other person has to negotiate every little event outside of ‘we’ time, it can make them want to run for the hills. They end up wanting to engage less, not more.” 

6. The marriage is no longer a priority.  

Allowing everything ― and everyone ― to come before your S.O. and relationship is a recipe for marital disaster, said Christine Wilke, a marriage therapist in Easton, Pennsylvania.

“In my experience, the most common reason that relationships end is because there are so many other commitments competing for attention, whether it’s work, the kids’ sports schedule or separate social lives ― the list goes on.”

Yes, life is a whirlwind but your marriage should never end up on your “to-do” list, Wilke said. 

“It’s simple: Be conscious and intentional about making your relationship a priority or run the risk of drifting apart and becoming strangers.” 

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Why Are Straight Men Doing Gay Porn?

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August 30th, 2016 – I’m a Porn Star: Gay4Pay will launch worldwide on August 30th, 2016 on Vimeo, Amazon, Google Play, Dish and Shaw video on demand services.

Curiously there are a disproportionate percentage of men working in gay porn who identify as straight. Why would a straight man do gay porn?

I’m a filmmaker. My job is to provoke you to think and hopefully start a conversation after watching my work. In my opinion, it’s not my responsibility to tell you what your opinion should be.

Instead of emulating Sally Field (“You like me. You really like me!”) I’d rather the subjects of my films make you uncomfortable. Love them, hate them – doesn’t matter to me. Just consider them.

As wise old Rumi said, “Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”

I was asked by a TV network to make a documentary about straight men working in gay porn. There are reams of digital 0 and 1s filling cyber space with people arguing, guessing, colluding, and fantasizing about what the real sexuality of these men are. There is bound to be a multitude of comments riding this thought train below my post.

That doesn’t actually interest me and I’ll be blunt here and suggest it shouldn’t intrigue you either. That conversation is about putting a label on a person. It’s our responsibility as a society to stop reducing each other to labels and they are many – fat, slut, white, black, poor, privileged, straight, queer – you get the point.

I hope I can poke your curiosity beyond firing up your labeling machine and to an arena that considers broader questions like…

What does it say about us, the viewer that so much of gay porn is dominated by images of straight men? Are there shades of internalized homophobia emerging?

Why are so many young people considering porn as part of their career or financial paths?

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What are the ramifications of straight producers, directors and performers making gay porn?

Does this entertainment accurately reflect our bedrooms? Does it need to?

Is it a mockery to have straight men doing gay porn? Or is it an example of how far acceptance and visibility for LGBTQ people have come?

Is this the entertainment the gay porn audience wants or is it simply what’s being offered?

To answer these questions the documentary interviews men from some of the most popular and prolific studios that feature straight men. Gay performers also add their perspective about working with straight guys.

Please watch the documentary, consider these questions and then comment. Let’s start a conversation. Let the 0 and 1s fly!

I’m a Porn Star: Gay4Pay is produced and distributed by Border2Border Entertainment and will launch worldwide on August 30th, 2016 on Vimeo, Amazon, Google Play, Dish and Shaw video on demand services.

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University Of North Carolina Is Barred From Enforcing So-Called ‘Bathroom Law’

A federal court on Friday barred the University of North Carolina from enforcing the “bathroom bill” portion of H.B. 2 against two transgender students and an employee who sued over its implementation.

The law, which has made waves in North Carolina since the legislature passed it in March, has been the subject of a flurry of litigation by and against the Department of Justice, Gov. Pat McCrory (R) and family-values groups that support the legislation.

In his ruling, U.S. District Judge Thomas Shroeder said he had “no reason to believe that an injunction returning to the state of affairs as it existed before March 2016 would pose a privacy or safety risk for North Carolinians, transgender or otherwise.”

Schroeder’s order is preliminary until he holds a full trial, or else an appeals court reviews it further.

Relying on court documents and other submissions filed prior to his ruling, the judge said that “it appears that some transgender individuals have been quietly using facilities corresponding with their gender identity and that, in recent years, State educational institutions have been accommodating such students where possible.”

“In short,” he added, “UNC may not apply HB2’s one-size-fits-all approach to what must be a case-by-case inquiry.”

This is a developing story; please check back for updates.

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Judge rules that University of North Carolina can’t use HB2 to block trans bathroom access

The University of North Carolina has been at least temporarily blocked form enforcing a law meaning trans students and employees can’t use a bathroom matching their gender identity.

The temporary ruling applies specifically to two students and a staff member.

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US District Judge Thomas Schroeder granted a partial preliminary injuction to the plaintiffs in the case.

While the judge limited the injunction to the three people, he said he belives their claim against the state’s HB2 law would be a success.

The students and staff member want to argue that HB2 violates the anti-discrimination Title IX law.

The decision is hailed as a victory of the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) and the US Justice Department, both of which have sued over the law.

Judge Schroeder’s final decision on the law will come in a November trial.

Earlier this week, the University of Vermont pulled a game with the University of North Carolina, voicing concerns over HB2.

The NBA announced last week that it had opted to move its 2017 All Star Game from Charlotte, North Carolina, in protest against the state’s anti-LGBT HB2, which was introduced this year.

The league previously said it was “deeply concerned” by North Carolina’s recently passed HB2, which rolled back pre-existing LGBT rights protections.

It was thought that HB2 would be repealed or revised in North Carolina, but lawmakers in the state last month adjourned, leaving the law barely changed.

Previously tweeting, the NBA said it was “deeply concerned that this discriminatory law runs counter to our guiding principals of equality and mutual respect and do not know what impact it will have on our ability to successfully host the 2017 All-Star game in Charlotte.”

“It would be easy to say we’re moving it,” NBA Commissioner Adam Silver clarified on Friday.

“We feel there’s a constructive role for the league to play. If we announce we’re moving it now, what’s the incentive to change the law?”

Hundreds of business leaders have urged the repeal of North Carolina’s HB2, and multiple celebrities have pulled out of appearances, including Ringo Starr and, Bruce Springsteen.

Springsteen was even accused of using “bully tactics” for cancelling the concert by one of the state’s Representatives.

But dozens of celebrities and hundreds of fans came to the defence of Springsteen, commending him for taking a stand.